Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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