I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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