end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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