please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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