Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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