I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize