what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize