i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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