He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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