I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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