Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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