My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
barbara walters just said penis...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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