Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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