the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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