I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize