I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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