he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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