I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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