i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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