you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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