Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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