____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize