Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize