You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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