My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize