Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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