Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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