So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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