I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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