I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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