I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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