Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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