god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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