the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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