Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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