Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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