my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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