I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize