you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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