Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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