i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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