My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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