just tell him i said nine months
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
PANTIES FOUND
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize