I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize