Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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