Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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