There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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