It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize