Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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