weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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